A Light-Hearted Peek Through the Looking Glass
I believe there are some basic tenets of Liberalism that, if clearly understood, may help us deal with our deluded brethren and sisteren in a more humane and understanding manner, a worthy goal at this most wonderful of Seasons. For those of a liberal bent who might be reading this essay and not understand my reference, I mean the Christmas and Hanukkah Season, of course!
For those who may be inclined to chastise me for not mentioning Kwanzaa (as well as for probably spelling it wrong), my bad. I don’t know anything about it, don’t know anybody who observes or practices it, admit I probably spelled it wrong, and, frankly, don’t much care.
Now, if we look in the animal kingdom, we find that elephants exile their males to solitude once they reach early maturity. Elephants are a matriarchal society. If we look at liberals, we see that it is a philosophy driven by female supremacy. “Wimminhood” is a totem, any male who acts at all masculine is driven away by the herd, so I must conclude that liberals share genetic traits with elephants.
The irony is that the political symbol for the GOP is the elephant! Of course, as the GOP becomes less conservative, the irony also lessens. But the Democrats scored a “Bingo!” with their selection of the jackass as their party symbol!
To the liberal mind, man is basically an animal who, if left to his own devices, will yield to his basic atavistic nature and turn into a slavering, raping, pillaging, polluting beast… in other words, a conservative.
Because they believe this, they believe Government must take total control of all aspects of life, define what is acceptable in thought, deed, and action, and leave as little as possible to individuals to decide for themselves. Can’t have toooooo much of that there freedom a-goin’ on out there!
They have a very pessimistic view of human nature, and feel it’s not to be trusted at all under any circumstances; that left to its own devices, human nature will turn toward unsavory desires, like freedom, scorn of governmental control, a desire to selfishly keep the money one earns, and a yen for target shooting and big SUVs.
Liberals are endowed with ESP. For example: “’The Arctic is screaming,’ said Mark Serreze, senior scientist at the government's snow and ice data center in Boulder, Colo.” (link). As a lawyer, John Edwards used to “channel” the voices of dead fetuses. Hillary Clinton used to “channel” Eleanor Roosevelt. This is a very handy skill. It allows liberals to speak for dead people and inanimate objects without fear of contradiction, because normal people can’t talk to dead people and inanimate objects.
Liberals suffer from a syndrome known as “collectivist mania”. Anyone who sticks out from the herd must be driven down like a Whack-a-Mole. Rich people and other achievers are despised, so every step is taken to “level the playing field”, by which they mean using all the powers at their disposal to bring the entire country down to the lowest common denominator. That way, everyone can be equally miserable, but not suffer any loss of self-esteem.
Liberals believe inanimate objects have inherent moral codes. For example, guns are evil; incredibly uncomfortable small cars suited to Barbie-doll-sized people are good.
Liberals are schizophrenic. Any unborn baby can be killed and thrown away, but no depraved murderer should be painlessly put to sleep. Somehow, “society is debased” when a murderer is executed while at the same time remaining morally superior as tens of millions of unborn babies are slaughtered. Of course, this is understandable when you bear in mind liberals believe felons should still have voting rights. Convicted murderers are potential Democrats; unborn babies are too young to vote. Worse yet, they might turn into conservatives.
Hopefully, this primer will help you make it through the Holiday Season without going postal on your liberal friends and neighbors for being so blindly obtuse. Now you understand why they are the way they are. If you’re “lucky” enough to have an actual liberal in your family, when you’re preparing that holiday feast always remember that most liberals believe “free range” food is politically correct, so make sure to roast a wild turkey. And save some Wild Turkey for yourself; you’ll probably need it.