I’m sure that, like me, over the years you’ve received notices in the snail-mail and email that you’re magically a member of 
some class-action lawsuit that you’d never heard of before, and that you had several options, including objecting to the proposed settlement, removing yourself from membership of the class, doing nothing and just accepting the outcome, etc.
Yesterday I received email notification that I was a member of a class-action lawsuit against Netflix, and there was a proposed settlement.
If You Are a Current or Former Netflix Subscriber
A Class Action Settlement Could Affect You
Para una notificación en Español, llamar 1-866-898-5088 o visitar www.VideoPrivacyClass.com
Our records show that you were a current or former Netflix subscriber as of July 5, 2012. We are emailing to tell you about a Settlement that may affect your legal rights. Please read this email carefully. Go to www.VideoPrivacyClass.com for more information.
A Settlement has been reached in a class action lawsuit that claims Netflix unlawfully kept and disclosed information, including records on the movies and TV shows its customers viewed. Netflix denies that it has done anything wrong.
Blah, blah.
You can go to the sites linked in the notice to read all about it if you haven’t already received your own notification.
Well, here’s my response, in this particular case:
Brian Baker
XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX
Saugus, CA 91390
661-XXX-XXXX
31 July 2012
Clerk of the Court
United States District Court for
The Northern District of California (San Jose Division)
Robert F. Peckham Federal Building
280 South 1st Street
San Jose, CA 95113
Jay Edelson
Rafey S. Balabanian
Ari J. Scharg
Chandler R. Givens
Edelson McGuire LLC
350 N. LaSalle, Suite 1300
Chicago, IL 60654
Keith E. Eggleton
Rodney G. Strickland
Dale R. Bish
Wilson Sonsini Goodrich & Rosati
650 Page Mill Road
Palo Alto, CA 94304
In re Netflix Privacy Litigation, No. 5:11-cv-00379-EJD
Sirs:
I am a member of the settlement class.
I strongly oppose the proposed settlement of this case as it currently stands.
As stated on the litigation website, the attorneys who filed this suit are going to get 25% of the $9,000,000 settlement, which my math tells me is $2,250,000, plus $25,000 “expenses”. Not a bad payday at all.
The six “named plaintiffs” are going to rake in $30,000 each.
Some unnamed “charities” are going to divvy up the rest of the pot.
The rest of us peons – the folks whose “rights” have supposedly been violated – are going to get exactly bupkes.
Where I come from, there’s a word for that: “bu11$hit”.
No wonder lawyers are considered the scum of the earth. Have any of you morons considered that maybe there’s a more appropriate way to compensate the rest of the peasants? How about a rebate of part of our monthly dues? Anything? Bueller?
I’ve never before been part of a class action lawsuit – either willingly or unwillingly – in which the settlement didn’t recompense ME in some way, as the supposedly “injured party”.
If any of you cretins have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me… assuming you can communicate in common parlance. If not, let me know ahead of time and I’ll try to have an interpreter handy who speaks Idiot.
(Signed)
___________________________________________________
Who the hell do they think they’re kidding? The lawyers saw a big payday, dug up a few jerks who saw a chance to rake in some bucks for themselves, and went to town. This is along the same lines of all the El Cheapo commercials you see on basic cable all the time put on by leech law firms trolling for “victims” of drugs, medical devices, vitamins, whatever.
Sonorous voice: “I am a non-attorney spokesperson. If you have ever blah blah blah and suffered blah blah blah, then you should call Dewey, Screwem and Howe IMMEDIATELY at 1-800-IMA-JERK to assure that your rights to compensation have blah blah blah…”. Ambulance-chasing at its worst.
Feel free to join in to the protest if you’re a “member” of this lawsuit. Have fun with it.
I did!
©Brian Baker 2012
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